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The Lighter Side of Life Winter 2017

 

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked on the side
of the road.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself, “That guy’s heading for a breakdown.”

Frog: I’ve been studying up on my genealogy.
Toad: Is that so? What have you discovered?
Frog: I’m a tad Polish.

ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANISATION

IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT
THEM?

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always
move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT
OTHER PEOPLE.

PROCAFFEINATING – the tendency to not start anything until you’ve
had a cup of coffee.

DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY
ADULTERY?

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

A Yorkshireman’s dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to
have a gold statue made by a jeweller in memory of the dog.
Yorkshireman: “Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?”
Jeweller: “D’ ya want it 18 carat?”
Yorkshireman: “Naw, I want it chewin’ a bone.”