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The Lighter Side of Life Summer 2018


Nelson was 5’6”. His statue in Trafalgar Sq. is 17’4”. That’s Horatio of 3:1

I was hit by a lorry carrying Omega 3 pills.
It’s OK though, I only sustained super fish oil injuries.

Wrigleys has launched a new website where you can order chewing gum
online. It’s called

Complete & Finished
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition to explain the difference there was a clear winner.
The challenge set was:
‘How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED’.
Here is the astute winning answer:
“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”

There are times when my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

I got called “perfect” today!
Well actually the full statement was “You’re a perfect idiot”
But I only focus on positive things

• I can’t believe how old people my age are.
• I think senility is going to be a fairly smooth transition for me.
• I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.